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Joke of the Day

"What do you do when a cannibal eats a vegetable? Throw away the wheelchair"

"My doctor just told me I'm suffering from paranoia. Well he didn't actually say that, but I could tell it was what he was thinking."

"I'm 0 for 3 in getting people to try a spoonful of my homemade peach jam on the subway platform this morning. Some days are challenging!"

"If a blind girl tells you that you've got a big penis... She's probably just pulling your leg."

"The greatest thing about Christmas is how it teaches kids to be selfish little shits on someone else's birthday."

"""Is that old Chinese food in the trash? There's Q-tips in there too? AND a bag of my poop? This is gonna be so good!"" --dogs"

"""Lord, can I have a pony?"" Sure. Just as soon as I get a prayer from a pony asking for a little girl with no clue how to take care of it."

"What do you call it when Superman craps his pants? Undy-terd."

"What limitations does braille have? Can it represent everything that we read using the alphabet? Very limited fonts."

"""Hi yes I'd like to attempt the Cheeseburger challenge"" ""Very good sir"" [ripped as hell cheeseburger runs out of the kitchen & bodyslams me]"