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Joke of the Day

"ME: who's a good boy *kissy noises* DOG: I just murdered the cat ME: you are, yes you are *rubs dog's head* DOG: you're next buddy"

"How do you find Will Smith in the snow? Just look for the fresh prints."

"""DO YOU KNOW WHERE YOU ARE? YOU'RE IN THE JUNGLE GYM, BABY! AGES THREE TO NIIIIINNNNE!"" - Axl Rose, playground monitor."

"If I had a dime for every time I quoted the movie Blazing Saddles... I would have a shitload of dimes."

"How does good king wenceslas like his pizza? (An old classic) Deep and crisp and even"

"What's the hardest thing about nailing a baby to a tree? My Penis."

"The best way to respond to a limp handshake is to tickle their palm with your middle finger"

"Why don't you see hippos hiding in trees? Because they are really f**king good at it."

"Sleeping in tomorrow so I have to put my phone on Lebron Mode... No ring"

"A stupid glazier was examining a broken window. He looked at it for a while and then said ""It's worse than I thought. It's broken on both sides."""