119931

Joke of the Day

"On a first date: Her - So what do you do? Me - I am currently working on eliminating all cancers. Her - Wow, that's impressive! Me - Then I'll move onto Capricons."

"I only drink Smart Water now. I think it's really helping my... my head thinking thingie."

"What do dyslexic sysadmins eat for breakfast? Cronflakes."

"A Jew walks into a bar mitzvah"

"What has eight arms and an IQ of 60? Four guys watching a football game."

"Guys, I really think 50 Shades missed out on a really a big marketing slogan... ""CLIMAX IN IMAX"""

"They always tell me, ""Measure twice. Cut once""... ...but they never say which of the two measurements I should use to cut by."

"[Dirty] How does Leia spend Father's Day? Riding Solo"

"Roses are red, violets are blue. Sugar is sweet, and so are you. But the roses are wilting, the violets are dead. The sugar bowls empty and so is your head."

"NURSE: do you have any allergies ME: burnt bread NURSE: you're allergic to burnt bread? ME: yes I'm black toast intolerant"