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Joke of the Day

"""I'm sorry I'm legally not allowed to take more than 3 passengers."" *runs through 4 red lights going 15 miles over the speed limit.*"

"What's the difference between a garbonzo bean and a Russian chick pea? Trump never paid money to see a garbonzo bean!"

"How do Asians name their babies? They throw a drawer of silverware down the stairs and name it whatever sound it makes."

"I had my identity stolen once. The next day I found it on my doorstep with a note saying, ""F@ck you, you can keep it."""

"A nurse found a rectal thermometer in her pocket and thought... ""Some asshole's got my pen"""

"Before the invention of Swiffers, people had to pick up dust with their own moist genitals."

"The city of North Hollywood keeps trying to get us to call them ""NoHo."" Does this mean I have to refer to Hollywood as ""Ho?"""

"Past, Present and Future walk into a bar... It was tense."

"Whats the difference between puberty and prostitution? One is caused by hormones and one causes whore moans"

"Last night I masturbated over my ex-girlfriend. I know it's not right, but she's a heavy sleeper and I still have a key."