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Joke of the Day

"The FedEx guy said I look like a sexy pirate. I'm not sure if that's considered sexual harassment or flirting."

"Sure my mom birthed & raised me, but I've had to explain how to check her email 95,000 times, so let's just call it even."

"Why is Han Solo a loner? Because he's solo."

"What's a pirates favorite thing to eat? The booty."

"Egyptian fisherman what did the egyptian fisherman say to the other egyptian fisherman after his wife had died? I'm in de-nile"

"[running from cop] *cop catches me* ""Get on the ground or I'll taze ya"" *pulls jellyfish from pocket* ""Look they were all out of tazers"""

"My wife tells me my conspiracy theory obsession is getting out of control.. I wonder how much the government paid her to say that."

"A tattered rope walks into a bar... The bartender says, ""Hey, are you a lasso?"" The rope replies, ""Sorry, I'm a frayed knot."""

"What's the difference between a shooting range and an American college? About thirty thousand dollars a year."

"What do you call a blonde in a tree with a brief case? Branch manager."