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Joke of the Day

"It would be wrong to ask a one-eyed person if it really was all fun and games up until that point, right?"

Next Joke
 
"wife: [crying] ""he always calls me weird pet names"" therapist: ""what do you mean?"" me: [arriving late] ""what's wrong my little hovercraft?"""
"Who me? Oh I'm just waiting for my husband to apologize for something I did wrong...marriage is fun"
"How's havin' a dick? It comes in handy."
"My most forced joke. How did the lumberjack keep his business from falling behind when all the trees ran out? By moving faux wood. Rimshot?"
"I genuinely don't remember making you all this stupid."
"Me: I can't get this star on top of the Christmas tree without a ladder, without dumping it over & ruining it. Whiskey: Yes you can."
"No thanks hot air balloons. I prefer to fly in 75 ton metal tubes as God and the Wright brothers intended."
"I like my women like I like my coffee... microwaved for 69 seconds."
"16 yr old nephew bought me a Miley Cyrus CD. He said ""Listen to it, it'll change your mind. It did change my mind. I used to like my nephew."