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Joke of the Day

"I was riding in my friend's car today when I noticed he didn't have a brake pedal. He said it only slowed him down."

"An Atheist, a Vegan, and a Crossfitter walk into a bar... I only know because they told everyone within 2 minutes..."

"How do you get a Baby in a bowl? How do you get it out? How do you get a baby in a bowl? With a mixer. How do you get it out? ""With nachos."

"I always wear running shoes while driving because you won't know what the terrain will be like until after the cop pulls you over."

"A woman walked into a bar and asked the bartender for a double entendre So the bartender gave it to her."

"I own far too many ""....For Dummies"" books to have healthy self esteem."

"Sit in Starbucks and scream into your phone, ""What we need is fresh screenwriting talent! An unknown! Where on earth can we find it?"""

"Yeah, well, I didn't exactly want to be late for work today either but it's not like hot wings can shave themselves out of chest hair."

"I saw a documentary on how ships are kept together. **It was riveting!**"

"When the grammar nazi learned his friend had less than 6 months to live. *fewer"