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Joke of the Day

"Financial status: 10 days ago: eating cat food. Today: eating the cat."

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"Auto correct changed ""absence"" to ""absinthe"" and now my kid's school won't let me be on the PTA."
"Why did the Soviets pull their missiles out? Because they feared a premature ejectulation"
"Depresso; the feeling you get when you've run out of coffee."
"What do you get when you cross an elephant with a rhinoceros? Hell-if-I-know"
"What's the best thing about having sex with twenty-six year olds? [NSFW] There's 20 of them..."
"Had a bad mixup at the store today. Cashier said strip down facing me. Apparently she meant my credit card."
"I call my girlfriend Dumbledore. She's a head master."
"What's harder than nailing a baby to a tree? My cock while doing it."
"Why is it easy to arrange for private yoga classes with a teacher? They are flexible."