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Joke of the Day

"Is it true animals can sense danger? The cat's been wearing a helmet all week, and it makes me nervous."

"I haven't cleaned my car in so long that I still have paper maps in my glovebox"

"My therapist said I need to stop listening to Ke$ha on my iPod and start acting my age. So I bought Ke$ha on vinyl. Tik Tok."

"Two goldfish are alone in a tank, One says to the other one, ""have any idea how to drive this thing?"""

"Why did the baker have brown hands? He kneaded a poo"

"""Waiter, I'd like to send this back"" -m'am, I believe that's your husband."

"Want to watch a nerd have a melt down? Tell him that you just bought an Android Ipad."

"How to give a woman an orgasm? Dream harder."

"I hate it when I'm trying to make money and someone greases the stripper pole."

"Dandruff. Plastic bags. Dish soap --> things more interesting than my friends' Facebook updates"