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Joke of the Day

"me: wow the stars are beautiful gf: omg babe they really are me: u know who else is beautiful? gf: *blushes* who? :3 me: Harambe"

"[job interview] ""So what would you say is your biggest weakness?"" ""I'm pretty bad at reading situations."" *tries to kiss interviewer*"

"Two pretzels were walking down the street... One was assaulted"

"Q: What did the Zen master say to the hot dog vendor? A: Make me one with everything."

"What did the two tampons have in common? They were both stuck up bitches"

"What the hell is Laser Hair And why does everybody want it removed."

"Why did Elon Musk's wife leave him? she asked for sex and got S3X instead."

"Knock Knock Who's there ! Ashley ! Ashley who ? Ashley-t's foot !"

"What do you call a sick bird of prey that enters the country without permission? An ill-eagle"

"You in the crosswalk: I stopped for you. I stopped. I'm stopped. I won't unstop. Don't look at me. Just walk. Go. For the love of God."