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Joke of the Day

"My friends think im a magician when I make chocolate disappear... But little do they know, i'v got a few Twix up my sleeve..."

"Thieves had broken into my house and stolen everything except my soap, shower gel, towels and deodorant. Those dirty bastards."

"My boss pulled up in his new car today so I complimented him on it. He responded "" if you set your goals, work hard and execute, I can buy an even better one next year"""

"ShermanFury @ShermanFury, so clever...."

"I walked into my bosses office and yelled, ""Three to five cellular layers of skin."" ""What?"" he laughed. ""I'm just saying what's on everyone's lips."""

"How does a handwriting analyst determine how his lover is feeling? He looks into his lover's 'I's."

"Being on twitter has made my spelling, grammar and vocabulary so much gooder."

"Life's most terrifying 10 seconds: Being held hostage in the corner of the shower by cold water."

"When god gives you AIDS... Make Lemon AIDS!!!"

"What happens when you throw a hand grenade into a kitchen? Well, the mess is the same but the annoying jabbering stops."