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Joke of the Day

"The 209 members of fifa voted on the presidency yesterday sepp blatter won in a landslide victory with 8000 votes"

"Bruce Willis angrily returns a cheese grater to the store, ""IT DID NOT MAKE THE CHEESE GREATER! IT JUST MADE LOTS OF LITTLE CHEESE"" he fumes"

"[wakes up & turns to wife] ""I had a nightmare. You died."" ""Aw. It was just a-"" ""Let me finish. You died & I had to make my breakfast."""

"I wonder if Bruce Jenner got wished a happy Mother's Day. Title"

"Why do chemists call helium, curium, and barium 'the medical elements'? Because, if you can't 'helium' or 'curium', you 'BARIUM'!"

"My oldest approached me today, and told me he was feeling suicidal. I said, ""Hang in there, son,"" and pointed to the spare room."

"What do you call a scary prostitute? Horrifying."

"I once was bored so I decided to eat a clock to *pass the time*. It was very *time consuming*. Yuk yuk yuk yuk yuk"

"See above is an understatement."

"Whats the difference between a woman and a computer? A woman doesn't accept 3 1/2 inch floppies"