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Joke of the Day

"I swallowed my wrist watch by accident yesterday, Harry. Good heavens! Does it hurt? Only when I wind it."

"What is the difference between a duck? One of it's legs are both the same."

"Pregnancy in the 1940's. (Doc) - ""Mrs. Smith, I have some **great** news for you"".... (Patient) - ""Thats MISS Smith, doctor!"".... (Doc) - ""Miss Smith, I have some *bad* news for you""...."

"HILARY AND THE TRUTH Hilary Clinton saying she is going to tell the truth is like an atheist saying 'God bless you.'"

"What do Marge Simpson's vagina and Argentina have in common? They both got destroyed by Maggie."

"Real men don't need guns. One time I beat a burglar to death with a sleeve of Ritz crackers and used the crumblings for a casserole crust."

"2 halloweens ago I was brutally owned by a small child when I answered my door in normal clothes and she said ""nice lumberjack costume."""

"Opinions are like assholes... if you get paid to share your opinion with the masses, you probably have a pretty big opinion."

"If you listen real closely, you can hear my alarm clock laughing as I set it."

"The saddest thing about the digital age is the next generation won't have that ""nudie mag they found in the woods"" experience. #culture"