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Joke of the Day

"Out of curiosity, where were you all thinking of moving after you're done destroying the Earth? 'Cause I assume you've thought that through."

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"My daughter made the carpet hot lava and I'm afraid I'll be late for work now."
"Remember when President-Elect Trump said immigrants were going to take our jobs? It's all true! Just ask Michelle Obama!"
"What's the difference between an Irish guy dying in a play, and you getting laid? One's a tragic Mick..."
"What's Whitney Houston's favorite type of coordination? HAND-EYEEEEEEEEEEE!"
"Sugar is the only word in English language in which ""Su"" is pronounced as ""Shu"". I am pretty sure about it."
"[at pet store] Im looking for something cheap and will get people to stop coming over."
"If Trump wins the election ... What will the presidential candidate for the next election choose as his/her campaign motto? ""Make America good again."""
"Butterflies (by Kevin L. Schwartz) All these years later and you still give me butterflies. It's crazy. I told you a decade ago I quit collecting."
"What's a storm trooper's favorite date? March 4th"