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Joke of the Day

"The ratio of guys to girls in my friend group Is undefined!"

"Why do trees have so many friends? They branch out"

"- 911, what's your emergency? - My nephew just swallowed a lighter! - What's your address? - Never mind, I found some matches."

"The blind hooker helped me a lot with my allergies She blew my nose"

"What do slinkies and the handicapped have in common? They are the most fun when pushed down a flight of stairs."

"I got a call today from a distorted voice saying ""Five grand in cash, or we kill your wife"" Both options were tempting, but I decided to take the money."

"TIL Humans eat more bananas than monkeys. I can't remember the last time I ate a monkey."

"I want to make a porno with Larry Bird and Dennis Rodman at 6 in the morning... It's called early bird gets the worm"

"What did the French stoner say? 80 blaze it"

"If pro is the opposite of con, then whats the opposite of progress? Congress"