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Joke of the Day

"I do most of my parenting on Facebook. My kids post that they're smoking pot and having unprotected sex and I reply with a sad emoticon :-(."

"Why couldn't Miss Piggy count to 100? Because when she got to 69, there was a frog in her throat."

"What do you say to a family who has just experienced death of a family member due to anorexia? Sorry for the loss."

"Not sure what to do with all the daylight we are saving."

"I've known my drug dealer since I was this high."

"How I like my women I like my women like I like my scotch. Twelve years old and mixed up with coke."

"TIL that Hitler never ate cake Apparently all the ovens were already being used."

"Could yield signs be any more Canadian? ""You might have to stop. I'm not sure. You decide. Do you like me? I'm on a street!"""

"How many Astros fans does it take to screw in a lightbulb? Both of them."

"Letting Jesus in What do you call a man who let Jesus come inside of him? Gullible."