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Joke of the Day

"For some reason I'm an extremely secretive person. Don't ask me why"

"I'm beginning to think some of you are not your Avi's, which makes me sad. I thought I had a unicorn and dinosaur friend."

"What is Bruce Lee's favorite drink? Wa-TA"

"Why did the Mexican push his wife off a cliff? Because she was a cunt."

"What do you call a duck traveling south that enters a time warp and meets itself traveling north? A pair of ducks."

"Before Twitter I had to disappoint people in person."

"Everyone wants to see fifty shades of grey Being colorblind fucking sucks!"

"[In a cucumber submarine] 1st mate: *inspecting leak* we're taking on saltwater captain Cptn: hm yes looks like we're in quite the pickle"

"My wife threatened to leave me if I didn't stop with the endless flamingo impressions. So I had to put my foot down."

"What kind of shoes to frogs like ? Open toad sandals !"