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Joke of the Day

"So a blind girl was giving me a hand job last night... She said I was the biggest she's ever felt, I said ""Nah girl, you're just pulling my leg."""

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"Lust. Love. Marriage. LUST: Tearing her panties off. LOVE: Sliding them down, gently. MARRIAGE: Folding them regularly."
"If there's something strange, in your neighborhood, Who ya gonna call? GEORGE ZIMMERMAN"
"Don't scream. I came to your house because you never responded to my DMs. Are you OK?"
"[Signing waiver for the show Cops] No no, you don't have to blur my face but how about a sweet mustache?"
"A World War II joke What was the German Shepard's defense at his Nuremberg trial? ""I was just following odors."""
"""Man, what's eating you today? *looks down* I Don't know.... GET IT OFF OF ME!!!"
"When do vampires bite you? On Wincedays."
"Wife: What would you do if I died? Husband: I would go crazy Wife: Would you re-marry? Husband: Ah, not that crazy.."
"*gets out of bed* *steps on something* me: Ugh *turns light on* wife: What is it? me: The cat caught another smart car"