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Joke of the Day

"the butter churner asked the milk ""whats wrong..."" the milk responded ""im just a bit stirred up but ill be butter in a while"""

"*decides to workout* *lays on ground to do sit-up* *find skittle on ground* *eats it* *takes nap*"

"So your face, is it permanently like that or are you genuinely surprised every time you take a selfie?"

"Today someone told me that they run into things a lot So I told them that they should walk more"

"responsibilities and feelings should not exist"

"How much cocaine can Charlie Sheen Do? Enough to kill Two and a Half Men."

"What do you call two lesbians in a canoe? Fur traders"

"[giving grandmother's eulogy] But on the plus side, that's the fastest she ever got down the stairs."

"Q: What do you call the security outside of a Samsung Store? A: Guardians of the Galaxy."

"I'm glad the Chicago Cubs finally won the World Series. 108 years of hibernation just doesn't seem healthy."