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Joke of the Day

"I know peanut allergies are serious but kids who have them are ruining everything"

"Why was the lightning grilled on the stove? -To make heat lightning"

"Do they have reserved parking for non-handicapped people at the Special Olympics?"

"What's the difference between a motivational speaker and a baseball player? The baseball player has all of its limbs."

"How did the monster cure his sore throat? He spent all day gargoyling."

"Yo mama is so ugly that she gave Freddy Krueger nightmares."

"If I learned anything from Forest Gump it's that people who love to run are retarded."

"I wasn't going to buy Thrift Shop on iTunes... But it was .99 cents!"

"My girlfriend and I were so happy for 22 years. Then we met."

"What's the difference between an elected official and a piece of garbage? Garbage gets thrown out."