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Joke of the Day

"""I heard that taking your shirt off can make you appear more aggressive and self-confident."" ""Ok, but we already said you got the job."""

"What is the difference between pink and purple? The grip."

"Here's a promise - if a scuba shop is within sprinting distance of the ocean and they let me try stuff on I'm not paying for a damn thing."

"Once you... Once you go black, you're a single mother."

"It's always a little disconcerting how before you trust them with your life every airline checks you in using computers running Windows 95."

"Q: What did the elephant say to the naked man? A: It's cute but can you pick up peanuts with it?"

"I'm so broke right now, if my gf leaves me for a richer person I'm going with them -__-"

"Two drums and a cymbal fall off of a cliff. Ba-dum tisch"

"What's the difference between Mick Jagger and a Scottsman? Mick Jagger says ""Hey, you, get off of my cloud!"" A Scottsman says ""Hey, McCloud, get off of my ewe!"""

"What happened to Donald Trump when he travelled to Switzerland? He Felt the Bern"