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Joke of the Day

"This morning, 50 Cent announced he's filing for bankruptcy. He also announced he'll be touring with Nickelback to recoup 10% of his losses."

"My husband went camping w/ his buddies. He packed a hatchet, 2 liters of Jack & a 3yo's Hello Kitty sleeping bag. He's gonna die out there."

"needs to stop keeping the cocaine next to the coffee creamer. I screwed up again. drinking a cup now and it has that weird milky taste."

"What do alcoholics and necrophiliacs have in common? They both love cracking open a cold one!"

"Me: Honey, are you awake? [wife rustles] Hmmm? Me: When we were fighting & you said ""Wolverine's powers suck,"" did you really mean that"

"I forgot to wear my Halloween costume to work. I was gonna go as the Invisible Deaf Mute Man."

"I would like to give thanks to the brave men and women who died a long time ago tasting which plants were edible and which plants were not."

"9/11 was hard for us European folk. I caught my foreskin on my zipper that day! It was dreadful, had me late for work. I'll certainly never forget the 9^th of November anytime soon."

"My essay for graduate school reeks of bullshit and broken dreams disguised as lessons learned."

"I accidentally mixed up my dads sleeping pills with my Viagra... he says its harder getting to sleep now."