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Joke of the Day

"Being a father completely changed me. I'm one of those motherfuckers now."

"My 7-year-old daughter asked me twice today ""what poison would kill someone the fastest?"" and now I'm wondering if I've underestimated her."

"Dad, are ghosts real? Dad: No son, of course not Son: The nanny said they are Dad: Okay, pack your stuff... We don't have a nanny"

"There's no such thing as a stupid opinion Said the world's first feminist"

"Conjunctivitis.com Now that's a site for sore eye's!"

"What's the difference between an oral thermometer and a rectal thermometer? Mainly, the taste."

"Can fish get high on seaweed?"

"They Call this a condition... LOL Binge Eating Disorder. http://www.bingeeatingdisorder.com/"

"Can you guys give me the names of some famous athletes and prisoners? I'm making a pros and cons list."

"I lost my job because my manager heard me slapping one of the customers. He wasn't even at work. He heard from home."