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Joke of the Day

"Since getting a Kindle, what I miss most about books is tipping them forward on the shelf to open a secret passageway."

"Wife said I should talk to the kids about drugs so I told them how faking a back injury would usually get you some Vicodin."

"Did you guys hear the news? Apparently Donald Trump is a cuck."

"2 Muffins are sitting in an oven... One says to the other ""man its hot in here"" the other one yells terrified ""OH MY GOD A TALKING MUFFIN!!"""

"Cats are just fuzzy houseplants that hate you."

"I like my drinks like I like my women With big cups."

"I tried to fix my shovel today, but I just couldn't handle it."

"What's the difference between jam and jelly? You can't jelly your dick down a whore's throat."

"My Mexican teacher asked for a 2 page essay, he wasn't happy when I brought him Juan. Thought this up in the car and thought the nice people of the Internet would want to know :)"

"Teacher: What is Ba + Na2? Pupil: Banana."