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Joke of the Day

"I've been struggling with my laziness. I can't decide if I should sit down and do nothing or lie down and do nothing."

"Stephen Hawking says artificial intelligence could destroy the human race. Sorry Stephen, but my money's on LACK of intelligence."

"Two snare drums and a cymbal fall off a cliff... BA DUM PSSHHH"

"*raises the bar 16 yrs later] Bar: even though you weren't my real father I always wanted to call you, dad. Dad. *me trying not to cry"

"BOSS: you're an hour late GUY WHO'S ABOUT TO INVENT DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME: oh you haven't heard?"

"Elephant circumcision... ...The pay's rubbish but the tips are enormous."

"I've started a business building yachts in my attic. Sails are going through the roof."

"Why were the hens lying on their backs with their legs in the air ? Because eggs were going up !"

"What do you call a rifle that fires 3 bullets at once? A trifle!"

"*giraffe getting his daily coffee* G: usual grande mocha man Barista: gee that's a... G: *sigh* B:...tall order G: Christ, every goddam day Phil"