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Joke of the Day

"Hey, Cap'n Crunch. You've been a captain since 1963. Dude, I don't think admiral is happening for you."

"Have you heard of the grammar nazi? He is really anti-semantic..."

"The best way to get over someone is probably with your car"

"So, on July 4th, one of the hottest days of the year, we're all going to sit outside of our air-conditioned homes and cook over a fire?"

"Do you know any snake jokes? 'cause I serpently don't."

"NSFW Dad walks into a room And sees his daughter masturbating with a carrot. ""Daamn"" - he says: ""I was going to eat that later! And now it's gonna taste like carrots!!!"""

"If our next President is Donald Trump.. He will put the P.O.S in P.O.T.U.S"

"I'm rich beyond my wildest dream... Too bad my dreams were never too wild."

"Zombies never bite hipsters. They taste fine. We just don't want to spend eternity hearing them say they became undead before it was cool."

"What do you call two crows on a branch? Attempted murder."