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Joke of the Day

"If a boy touches your... Mom: If a boy touches your boobs say ""don't"" and if he touches your pussy say ""stop""? Daughter: But mom, he touched both so I said ""don't stop"""

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"Got in a fight with my boner this morning; Don't worry i beat it single handedly."
"What do Australian emos use to cut their wrists? Rise up lights"
"Remember the Scooby Doo episode where they put Scooby down and gave Shaggy the death penalty for ripping the face off an innocent person?"
"why do blacks like the doctor's office? they operate on black time! 2:00 appointment? pfft show up at 3:30 you'll be straight"
"I like my pizza like I like my women... Hot and delivered to my house."
"Niece: found these handcuffs in your drawer. Me: yea I got arrested once Niece: omg why Me: for going through my aunt's drawers."
"Thanks autocorrect. I wanted her to know that I shaved my duck."
"What's the one thing a woman wants most in this world? Nothing, she's fine"
"What do you call it when ISIS soldiers run for cover? 100 meter Daesh"