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Joke of the Day

"[sees people filming a movie] yeah real original. a movie. like that's never been done before"

"Terri Schiavo jokes will always be funny They don't have the right to die."

"#IHaveJustEnoughMoneyTo pay my phone bill so I can call my credit card company to tell them I don't have money to pay them."

"[England 1320] ""Dearest fair lady, thou art the finest in the land. Allow me to gaze upon thee soon. My love grows."" *waits 6 months* ""K"""

"What's a hipster's favorite kind of cigarette? Yours."

"My scale is broken. It only seems to go up."

"People who talk to themselves tend to be better lovers. Did you know that? Yes, I did know that."

"HELP ME I'M CHOKING ON AN ICE CUBE nevermind I'm good."

"What did the Elephant say to the naked man? How do you breathe out of that little thing?"

"I'm still in disbelief that 9/11 coincidentally happened on September 11 (9/11)"