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Joke of the Day

"Hillary and Donald are out in a rowboat. The boat capsizes. Who get saved? The United States of America"

"What did the US President with Alzheimer's ask his wife? Who are you?"

"By the cup of Nescafe even the most secret thoughts turn into words, and by the bottle of vodka into actions."

"Bought a new Shakespeare sat-nav - It gets me from A to B or not to B."

"Dear Hollywood, When you adapt a book into a movie here's a novel idea: try reading it first for a change. Assholes."

"The Government"

"The NFL was considering issuing small bats to referees to ""knock"" the balls to check for proper inflation during the Super Bowl... but then they realized that was queer."

"Did you hear about the woman who became a prostitute because she was so scared of being homeless? She was *whore*-ified!"

"If the number 666 is considered evil... ...is the number 999 is considered LIVE?"

"Dentist: this is gonna hurt a lot Me: ok Dentist: I've been sleeping with your wife"