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Joke of the Day

"These animal crackers are bullshit, this elephant tastes exactly like that giraffe did."

"A guy just came into this restaurant by himself, ordered a plate of olives, ate them, and left. If you see something, say something."

"My sister-in-law had a miscarriage Does that raise or lower her kill-death ratio?"

"How does the stork bring babies? It pokes holes in condoms."

"Why don't they allow computers in prison? Is it because of the escape button? I think it's because of the escape button."

"Men look at boobs for the same reason women look at puppies in cages. We just want to set them free and play with them."

"Nothing is too good for my girlfriend on Valentines day... I tried to get her nothing, but she was too good for that."

"(Neighbor, curious): What's wrong with little Timmy? (Mom, sad): He went to Jared."

"Ladies: If ""snuggling"" is so important to you, have the guy do that BEFORE you have sex. Trust me...... He'll snuggle and snuggle and snuggle..."

"I had a goal to lose 20 Pounds by the end of the year. 30 pounds to go"