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Joke of the Day

"Welcome to Twitter - if you are not already following a mom who drinks wine one will be assigned to you."

"What do you call an unfriendly American from the 60's? An anti-socialist"

"If Jessica own 400 melons and Jimmy steal 50 of them, how many would be left? About tree fiddy."

"I would make an alliance of agnostics... but I'm not sure how I feel about that."

"Why did the teacher have trouble controlling her pupils? She was cross eyed."

"I went to an ice hockey game at the local leper colony There was a face off in the corner"

"Halloween is, by far, the safest day to kill a person and leave them in a chair on your porch."

"I made the kids put sunglasses on the snowman so he wouldn't have to make eye contact with the neighbors."

"They say that murder rates go down with more employment, so I bet if we gave everybody jobs murdering people, they'd be really bad at it."

"How do you seduce a fat woman? PIece of cake."