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Joke of the Day

"They say that murder rates go down with more employment, so I bet if we gave everybody jobs murdering people, they'd be really bad at it."

"So what if I don't have a perfect body?! I'm way better off than I was when I started. Ya know, a baby that used to shit his pants. I do that way less now."

"Henry Tudor: ""I'm going to build a car park in the centre of Leicester."" Richard III: ""Over my dead body."""

"I think I'm failing my marine biology class My grade is below C level."

"What were Charles Darwin's favorite fruits? Oranges and peaches."

"My black pants had more cat hair on them after they came out of the dryer. Guess I should check the dryer for cats before I start it."

"There are two things i hate a lot 1. Lists 2. Irony"

"Geico commercial by Oderous Urungus - ""No matter what your reason, today will be your day to SLAVE!!!"""

"A Roman gladiator walks into a bar... ...and holds up two fingers. ""Give me five beers, please."""

"""Have you heard about the new pirate movie?"" ""It's rated aaarrrrrrrr."""