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Joke of the Day
"Enter promo code INTERMINABLE SINCERITY for some free sarcasm."
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"Why didn't the penguin jump off the iceberg? Because he got cold feet."
"I got a fishing pole for my wife I thought it was a pretty good trade."
"Hey Buzzfeed, the only way my beard is 2% feces... ...is if I just finished eating 98% of the pussy."
"What's the hardest part about eating a vegetable? Getting her off the wheelchair."
"Q: What did the blonde say about blonde jokes? A: She said they were pretty good but they might offend some Puerto Ricans."
"16: 'We should put a flat screen on the wall!' Wife: 'I really don't like mounting things.' Me: *mumbles 'No shit.' W: 'What was that??'"
"You know a girl is right for you when... You know a girl is right for you when she is complimentary."
"For the last time, I'm not racist! I specifically called it African American Friday!"
"Coworker: You smell good. What is that? Armani? Me: Thanks! It's Febreze. I just took a dump."