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Joke of the Day

"Hey where's Brian? ""Oh he's taking a p_ _p"" A what? ""Um dropping a d_ _c_"" Huh? ""Taking a sh_t....Uhh Cr_p!"" Oh! He's evacuating his vowels?"

"What do you call an old parallelogram? A parrallelo-gran"

"Is it normal for your right testicle to be larger than your other two?"

"What do you get when David Lynch directs a remake of The Godfather? Someone who makes you an offer you can't understand."

"What are the 3 rules to buying real estate, the difference between jock itch and athlete's foot, and breastfeeding and a glass of milk? Location, location, location."

"Why don't you see elephants hiding in trees? Because they're so damn good at it"

"Finding a girlfriend is a lot like fishing... There are plenty of fish in the sea, but it's just you holding your rod until you catch one."

"[sees a baby spit up after drinking from baby bottle] ""lmao yo who invited the lightweight"""

"""The Sun is dying. We need help"" the scientists are speechless. Cool Dad kicks in the door & removes his shades ""It's daylight savings time"""

"I came home to a trail of bread leading to the bedroom & of course I followed, only to find my husband in bed with 10 ducks. I'm heartbroken"