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Joke of the Day

"New Years Resolution My New Years Resolution is to try 100 brand new things. How many chemicals are crack? Lets get this done in one sitting."

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"My brother and I own adjacent farms The other day he rode over to complain that I was growing marijuana on his side of the fence. I told him to get off his high horse."
"I heard Samsung is making a feature film They're calling it Total Recall."
"""To prove how much I love you I'm going to eat this entire pizza."" That's not what I - ""Please stop. Let me do this."""
"Doctor: You are very sick! The patient to the doctor: Can I get a second opinion? The doctor again: Yes, you are very ugly too..."
"How was copper wire invented? 2 jews fighting over a penny."
"My boss said, ""Have a good day""... So I went home."
"I hope that Senator Franken runs for President in 2020 and picks Jill Stein as his running mate That'd be a real Franken/Stein ticket"
"What do you call it when someone relies on sleep studies for a profession? a rem job"
"MY friends are like second-day socks... They come through in a pinch, but they really stink sometimes."