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Joke of the Day

"New Years Resolution My New Years Resolution is to try 100 brand new things. How many chemicals are crack? Lets get this done in one sitting."

"My brother and I own adjacent farms The other day he rode over to complain that I was growing marijuana on his side of the fence. I told him to get off his high horse."

"I heard Samsung is making a feature film They're calling it Total Recall."

"""To prove how much I love you I'm going to eat this entire pizza."" That's not what I - ""Please stop. Let me do this."""

"Doctor: You are very sick! The patient to the doctor: Can I get a second opinion? The doctor again: Yes, you are very ugly too..."

"How was copper wire invented? 2 jews fighting over a penny."

"My boss said, ""Have a good day""... So I went home."

"I hope that Senator Franken runs for President in 2020 and picks Jill Stein as his running mate That'd be a real Franken/Stein ticket"

"What do you call it when someone relies on sleep studies for a profession? a rem job"

"MY friends are like second-day socks... They come through in a pinch, but they really stink sometimes."