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Joke of the Day

"My friend told me this one Q: Why is it so hard to make up your mind on what to get in an Italian restaurant? A: There are just too many pastabilities!"

"Do crazy shit. You'll learn from it, be a better person & have bad ass stories to tweet about. The latter is the most important of course."

"Why is DJ Khaled so good at music? He loves major keys."

"Three feminists had a picnic... It didn't last long - none of them made sandwiches."

"My local council just installed a zebra crossing near the primary school What a waste of money, I've never even seen a zebra in this town"

"Sometimes you have to put your phone down and take a look at what's around you.. And wonder how you drove your car into a swimming pool."

"Why are portraits of George Washington displayed in British bathrooms? Because nothing makes the British shit quicker than the sight of George Washington"

"""YOU'RE FAT."" - my belt"

"When I was young I was scared of the dark. Now when I see my electricity bill I am scared of the lights."

"Black holes suck. Think about it."