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Joke of the Day

"You can find true happiness inside yourself! Haha, almost had you. I'll meet you at the liquor store."

"I've lost most of my hearing, but it's okay because it turns out the only thing people say to me is ""nothing, nevermind."""

"So a neutrino walks into a bar... Bartender: ""Can I get you a drink?"" Neutrino: ""No thanks, just passing through."""

"What should a rabbit use to keep his fur neat? A harebrush."

"I'm shit at remembering names. But isn't every Tom, Rick, and Larry"

"Little girl/boy: ""Mommy, I want to be a [PERSON I DISAGREE WITH] when I grow up."" Mom: ""Well pick one sweetie, you can't do both."""

"The lesson of Halloween is that pretending to be something you're not will lead to a sweet reward."

"I told a joke in lit class and got crickets So my teacher was telling us about a class she took. ""I took a really epic class on Falkner."" and I responded ""not as epic as a class I took on Homer."""

"Some guy robbed a local gas station and stole $700 worth of cigarettes. I wonder what he'll do with both packs."

"We could completely eliminate car thefts by making every car alarm sound like Hillary Clinton's laugh."