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Joke of the Day

"Turns out HR doesn't care if it's national underwear day, you have to wear pants to work."

"I moved to the south, people are different here. I started a conversation with a midget, but had to walk away. He was a little racist."

"I met my ex-wife at the gym. We didn't workout."

"My wife wanted to get a cat. I really didn't want one, so after a lot of discussions, we reached a compromise: we're getting a cat."

"""I wasn't born yesterday"" - Lying newborn baby"

"As a child, it really stressed me out that Rocky was late to his second fight with Apollo Creed. I mean, don't be late to that."

"[Therapist's office] Husband: She takes everything, literally T: What do you mean? *Me walking out the door w/ the floor lamp I'm stealing*"

"What did Courtney Love say before she shot Kurt? ""Hole is gonna be huge."""

"Why Trump will win the election? He will use his Trump-card."

"You can now take small knives with you on planes, but my 4oz bottle of mouth wash is dangerous. Got it!"