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Joke of the Day
"I'm starting to think I buy bananas just to watch them die a slow death in my own home."
Next Joke
"To avoid small talk with neighbors I've taken to checking the mail in the middle of the night like some kinda raccoon with bills."
"A News Reporter just described someone as ""Healthy as a Bus"". Yeah....I don't know either."
"Whars long ha nuts on either sude and has an asshole around the corner The hallway in the mental hospital i just I just escaped"
"I went to library to check out a book on suicide. The librarian asked me ""who would bring it back?"""
"Walked out the pub the other night and seen a bloke at the end of the road with a broken down car. I said ""what's the matter mate?"" he said ""piston broke"" I said ""so am I!"" and stumbled home."
"Everybody wants to be wanted, except maybe fugitives."
"[assembling baby's cot] Wife: take that bit off Me [reluctantly removing the machine gun turret]: so anyone can just walk in here then"
"I was going to say a necrophilia joke... But it died... So fuck it...."
"A group of the best ISIS fighters mistakingly kidnapped Chuck Norris When they realized who they had, they beheaded each other"