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Joke of the Day

"If I agreed with you, we'd both be wrong"

"I just got a text saying they lost my cell number & could I send it. This is the level of stupid I deal with."

"America is kind of like testicles If the right nut can't agree with the left nut. We can't produce."

"Mute the voices in your head by eating really crunchy food."

"My boss texted me, ""Send me one of your funny jokes."" I replied, ""I'm working at the moment, I will send you one later."" He replied, ""That was fantastic, send me another one."""

"First cannibal: Am I late for dinner? Second cannibal: Yes. Everyone's eaten."

"I like my women like I like my coffee Scalding hot and drenched all over my penis in the McDonald's parking lot."

"I switched my kids to almond milk. Whenever people ask me if I think it's healthier I tell them ""Nah, I just got tired of them asking why their picture is on the back of the milk cartons."""

"Piers Morgan has taken a very strong stance against guns, and who can blame him? If you had a gun, you'd shoot him too."

"I don't care if you're black, white, straight, bisexual, gay, lesbian, short, tall, fat, skinny, rich or poor... I still hate you."