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Joke of the Day

"NY Friend: ""You're in LA, you don't have to shovel anything!"" Me: ""Yeah? These heaps of broken dreams wont get off the sidewalk themselves."""

Next Joke
 
"*Goes back in time to kill the inventors of Twitter. Returns home to amaze friends on Facebook with endless jokes about vodka & pizza.*"
"What do you call an alligator in a vest? an investigator. :D"
"Why did the Reddit cross the line?"
"Normal people driving by a construction site: wonder what they're building... Me: what a great place to bury a body!"
"There are only 10 bad people in the world.. And i get Christmas cards from 9 of them."
"29 and 30 had a fight. 31."
"Mom: Did we pack everything? The stupid baby monitor? Dad: Ugh I hate that annoying dumb thing! Tiny Monitor Lizard: Ok wow I'm right here"
"(real news) A tech company has announced they are close to perfecting a flying car. The company says the car should be ready by the year 2000."
"Literally The Best Joke Ever. The Best Joke Ever."