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Joke of the Day

"""Eat right and exercise?!?... I dunno...seems like some kind of a scam, Doc."""

"Why are Astronauts seen as condescending? Because all they do is look down at people."

"this 'donkey kong' aspires to humanity through the gesture of the necktie. yet it is the hoarding of his wealth that truly makes him human"

"Coffee With No Cream A guy walks into a coffee shop. Waitress: What can I get you? Guy: May I get a coffee with no cream? Waitress: Sorry, we just ran out of cream. How about a coffee with no milk?"

"How can you tell if your girlfriend is getting fat? When She fits in your wife's clothes."

"Why did Rembrandt lose his house? Because he was *Baroque*."

"Who manufactures Quidditch balls. Wilson. J.K. Rawling"

"I tend to drop a lot of glassware but that means I'd be pretty fucking handy in one of those ""In case of emergency break glass."" situations."

"I met a NASCAR driver once He told me his only regret in life was turning right."

"I couldn't figure out how to use a seatbelt But then it clicked."