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Joke of the Day

"Why do beta fish fight each other? Because they're trying to figure out who's the betta fish"

"HR: What are some of your strengths? Me: Shifting the blame HR: That's a horrible reply Me: No, your question was! HR: Wow, you're good!"

"How does a chef get to work? He woks."

"Your mama's so ugly people discriminate against her for it and she has no legal recourse."

"[Job Interview] HR : What do you consider your biggest weakness? Me : (pulls out machete) *whispers under my breath ""I can't forgive people"""

"Tell me how Dora can be completely bilingual at the age of five, but can't find a stupid apple on a tree behind her?"

"Me (to a baby): Hush little baby don't say a word. Momma's gonna buy you a mocking bird Mom: like hell I'll buy that kid anything.."

"Wanna hear something really disappointing? Too bad."

"Why did the mechanic go to art school? Because he wanted to learn how to make a van go!"

"How is a bell obedient? It sounds off only when it is told (tolled)."