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Joke of the Day

"Probably the hardest part about being a dj is when you get into a fight and you gotta hold your headphones up to your ear with one shoulder."

"I asked my friend from North Korea how it was to live there. He said he couldn't complain."

"A blind man walks into a bar... ... and a table, and a chair, and a stool."

"What do a mystic and a hot dog vendor have in common? They'll both make you one with everything."

"Knock knock Who's there? Shi Huang Di Shi Huang Di Who? She wan DEEEEEZ NUTS! Yay for history jokes."

"How many feminists does it take to change a light bulb? No amount of feminists can change a light bulb, because feminists can't change anything."

"One time Bill Murray came up to me at a Wendys, took a fry off my tray, ate it, looked me dead in the eyes and said ""Nobody's going to believe you"""

"Snooki's kind of like Hurricane Sandy... She's large, slow-moving, an has blown just about everyone in the Jersey Shore."

"Ignore her and she'll go away, to buy a gun, but she'll go away."

"I don't know how to act my age I've never been this old before."