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Joke of the Day

"Breaking News: horse in barn has emergency operation... Update: do not worry, he is in a stable condition."

"You're just like my little toe, because I'm going to bang you on every piece of furniture in my home."

"Sirs & Ma'ams, It is a well-known fact that when Jesus takes the wheel, He doesn't just stop with the wheel. He takes the stereo too."

"Ted Cruz has aborted his campaign ..but I say he should be forced to carry it to full term"

"What do you call a potato that's reluctant to try new things? A Hesi-tater"

"Lets get freaky. I mean really Freaky. Like I can't look you in the eye for two days kinda freaky."

"So apparently there's a team of refugees at the olympics this year. Do you reckon the Syrian refugees are on the rowing team?"

"Why didn't Hitler ever order a french dip? Because he hates au jus."

"*on date* Me [don't let her know you're married] I have a wif..i hotspot on my phone. Her: oh that's cool. Me: yeah my wife got it for me."

"I said to the gym instructor: ""Can you teach me to do the splits?"" He said: ""How flexible are you?"" I said: ""I can't make Tuesdays."""