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Joke of the Day

"I told my dog 6,000 times, she could go out but I wasn't going to sit outside with her... Long story short, I'm sitting outside with her."

"If you plug in a USB cord correctly on the first try, you shouldn't have to pay taxes for a year."

"I'm not in a relation""ship,"" I'm in a relation""barge"" that's towing emotional garbage all day long."

"What is a Mexican's favorite FPS? Borderlands."

"Ugly How do you know your the ugly in a couple? I will spell it out for you, U come first..."

"NyQuil: Because who doesn't like to dream about your cat turning into your dog and your dog taking you for a walk and picking up your poop."

"What happens when a man of jewish descent runs into a wall with an erection? He breaks his nose."

"What did the dolphin say when he got in trouble? ""I didn't do it on Porpoise!!"""

"Somewhere in my brain is a tiny gland that blinds me to unwashed dishes."

"I haven't pooped in a couple weeks I'm not constipated, I'm just procrapstinating"