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Joke of the Day

"I just got fired for getting beauty tips online during my lunch break! my Boss said "" Madison Ivy gets a facial"" is not a video on beauty tips."

"What profession does it take to screw in a light bulb? Driver"

"I need an emoticon that's stabbing another emoticon in the eye with a pen while repeatedly punching it in its little emoticon balls."

"A Muslim, a communist and an illegal immigrant walk into a bar... And the bartender says, ""Hello Mr. President!"""

"If 50 is the new 30, then Dead is the new 80."

"What do you call a bear in the Arctic? Starving."

"Changed my outgoing voicemail message to ""You have reached the government."""

"What do ya call an overweight Scottish pigeon .... A fat coo... Im here all week."

"Me: If you take them out of their natural habitat they seek revenge by burning your tounge Sis: M: S: That's a pizza roll. You're high"

"Guy comes to my door and asks if I want to be a Jehovah's Witness I said, ""Hey man I didn't even see the accident"""