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Joke of the Day

"I also like my women how I like my coffee. I don't like coffee."

"*montage of me teaching a penguin to do everything my son Brian can do* Wife: Where's Brian? Me: [studying her closely] He's... right here?"

"If there's awkward silence & he asks what you're thinking about ""emotionally damaged werewolves"" is not the best answer. I know this now."

"Cute names to call your girlfriend with 1.sugar 2.honey 3.flour 4.egg 5.1/2 lb butter 6.stir 7.pour into pan 8.preheat to 375"

"It's not illegal to wear a pinstripe suit & slick back your hair. Then go to a restaurant & ask them if they got ""that thing"" while winking."

"There's no excuse for laziness.. but if you find one, let me know."

"Why did the fox cross the road? It was chassing after the chicken!"

"*newspaper headline* BIDEN'S EMAIL HACKED -'it was easy' the hackers said 'his password was 'password'"

"What do you call a blonde in a closet? Last years hide and seek champion"

"How did the headless chicken cross the road? In a KFC bucket."