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Joke of the Day

"I must be fucking great in the sack Every girl I've ever had sex with has told me she wishes it had been longer!"

"What did Michael Jackson have in common with Target? Boys clothes half off."

"[creepy mansion] ME: That portrait is watching us MAN: No way ME: [goes right up to portrait] I'm vegan PORTRAIT: [rolls eyes] ME: I knew it"

"How often do I make chemistry jokes? Periodically. I made one yesterday, but it had no reaction."

"What's the difference between a singer-songwriter and a puppy? A puppy eventually grows up and stops whining. Thanks to PuddinHead742 for this one."

"Did you hear about the new iPhone? It's a six s (success)"

"What do you call a sleepwalking nun? A roamin' Catholic."

"A Wizard walks into a gay bar, and disappears with a poof."

"Loneliness can make you do some strange people."

"When I go to a restaurant, I stare at the menu for 10 minutes, and then order the exact same thing I did the last 20 times I've been there."