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Joke of the Day

"Just saw a cyclist put his hand out to indicate he was turning left when a lone pedestrian high fived him. I feel so good right now."

"If I was a magician I'd ask someone in the audience for a $20 bill and then just run away. You could prob make like $40 doing that."

"The Greatest Detective Stories Ever Told by Watts E. Dunn"

"Teacher: Whoever answers my next question can go home One boy throws his bag out the window. Teacher: who just threw that?! Boy: Me! I'm going home now."

"I'm not saying I hate you but if you were on fire I'd bring sticks and marshmallows."

"""Does this hurt?"" ""YES!"" ""What about this?"" ""OW!"" *Dr. writes notes* ""Patient shows symptoms of pain when stabbed with knife. Keep updates."""

"I was walking through a graveyard this morning and saw a man squatting by a tombstone. I shouted ""Morning!"" He replied ""No, just pooping."""

"Someone wake up that guy from Green Day."

"Staring at large boobs makes you better at multi-tasking. It demonstrates you can concentrate on two things at once."

"How many black people does it take to screw in a lightbulb? 3/5"